That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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