Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
