my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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