I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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