turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
