Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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