I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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