P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
