after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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