i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
These tits shall not be calmed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
