You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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