just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
