if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
