this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
