It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
