do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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