Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
