i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
