i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
