Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
