I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
