No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
