In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Cover your peen. We're going out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
