Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am available for nakedness
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
