god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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