yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
