She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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