Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
