I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your penis caused this!
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