none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you have to choose: penises or morals?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
