So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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