walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
