the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
