I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hippo gnu deer
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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