Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
