the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
