spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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