If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
