I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
