Betty ford says i'm here all night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
