apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
