i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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