Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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