Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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