I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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