exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
