when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
