my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
