Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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