I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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